When I was a kid I wanted to sing, I wanted nothing more than to be a pop star. I remember putting on concerts for my family from a very young age. Mostly I remember performing for relatives more so than my immediate family, they were all smart, they knew better. My spectators were always told to sit down and be quiet until I said it was over. My five-year-old self would have given Naomi Campbell a run for her money.
When I was about nine I got into the Australia Youth Choir, that’s the choir that features on the Qantas ads, so of course it was appealing. I went there for a while and absolutely hated it. I did not have a choir voice at all and I didn’t really like any of the other people, I mean come on, choir singers to my knowledge are not the liveliest bunch, so I pulled out. There was no Qantas ad in my future, so what was the point?
When I got a little older I had singing lessons with a very talented person. I was forced to accept at the age of twelve that I had a pretty restricted range and would never really be able to sing pop. My dreams of being the next Ginger Spice were brutally crushed. Little did I know, this would be my musical salvation, at this moment I was introduced to Jazz. I was quickly acquainted with Ella Fitzgerald, Bobby Darrin, Billie Holiday, Diana Krall and Miles Davis, just to name a few; I honestly feel like I’m cheating on all the others I’ve left out.
So with the encouragement and my newfound love, I was all about being a jazz singer. Much to my dismay, it never went anywhere. I was super shy; I didn’t have the confidence and was never sure if I could actually sing. I was terrified that I was just one of those stupid people on Australian Idol who think they can sing but sound like a cat being skinned alive. I pretty much put it on the back burner and tried to forget about it.... sort of. I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do when I finished school because I wanted to sing so much.
That was the reason I turned to journalism BIG MISTAKE. As much as it pains me to admit it, I am simply a product of my environment. After seeing Almost Famous, I desperately wanted to be a music journalist; I had big dreams to write for Rollingstone. I pretty much just wanted to be Ben Fong-Torres; who, I have to mention I share a mutual friend with on Facebook. Yes, it really is him.
So I went and studied journalism and much like the Australian Youth Choir, I absolutely loathed it. I was not aware that everyone had to start his or her careers by writing for the news. Oh man was it bad! You have to go and find a story yourself, you had to pull something out of thin air, find an angle. This idea to some people is absolutely thrilling; this idea for me was horrific. I remember there were many tears and lots of panic attacks. Studying journalism lead to running away to live in New York.
The dreams of being a music journalist went down the drain. I realized it was actually a good thing. It hadn’t really occurred to me that I would most likely have to listen to a bunch of music I really didn’t like; I wasn’t so up for that. I also lost faith in Rollingstone the day I saw Ashley Simpson on the cover, really Jann, really?
So basically singing goes hand in hand with blogging. I feel like they are really close friends, maybe even relatives. They share all the same feelings; nerves, anxiety, lack of confidence. I am aware that I have had this blog for a while now and have only posted four times because I still find it really hard, it’s basically a blog about the fear of blogging.
I know I do this every time. It must get really old for thy reader. I Promise I will get over it… eventually. I will also try to consider the contemplation of singing in front of other human beings…
*Clause – I want to state that even though I adore Jazz, I also love lots of different types of music. I feel bad for the rest of my beloved artists that I hold dear and neglected to mention. I, in no way intend to sound defamatory towards the journalism industry, the Australian Youth Choir and Rollingstone.
