Philadelphia.

May we never find space so vast,

planets so cold, heart

and mind so empty

that we cannot fill them

with love and warmth...

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.

Today I spent the day in bed because I have a bad cold. This is to be expected. I’m notorious for taking on too much and then crashing hard once its all over. It’s really the only way to get me to stop, so it’s kind of good in a way.

Anyway, like the rest of the world I woke up to the news that Steve Jobs resigned as CEO from Apple. I was truly sad to hear this. I don’t know enough about Steve Jobs and how he’s portrayed as a businessman etc. But from what I know, I admire him a lot. I’m really only going off his famous speech he did at a graduation ceremony at Stanford University. I’m usually more guarded about these kinds of topics, however Steve Jobs is truly inspirational. I think it’s the fact that he’s just honest and I like that.

Since we’re on the path of honesty, I’m not afraid to say that I worry a lot and probably about things that are unnecessary. However, I can honestly say that I fundamentally believe that everything will be ok. I don’t know what that means, or even what that looks like, but I just believe it. I feel like Steve Jobs backs up this belief. Plus I always like people who have taken grand leaps of faith, because I will be for damn sure!

In case you haven’t seen the clip, here it is:

Peace out.

The Countdown.

Hello You! I have not blogged in a very long time. Not that I had blogged very much anyway. I was always too self-conscious of my writing. However, I am inspired by a few people I know who have been blogging and have decided to get back on the horse. I r

eally enjoy the blogs I’ve been reading lately and am always hanging out for new posts. I’ve also reacquainted myself with blogs that I once loved and oh what a lovely reunion it is! This is just one of the ones I love http://www.thesartorialist.com/

I’m suddenly wishing that I had been blogging this whole time. I’ve been up to quite a bit! So without further a due. I will now be a bloggin!

From now until February, I’m going to be counting down. Counting down the days like a child waiting for Santa Clause to come. In February, I plan to move to New York. I have been dreaming about this day for practically my entire life, but even more so the last eight years.

I grew up like any other Australian kid. I come from a pretty big family. We went to a public school, lived in the inner city suburbs, played sport on the weekend. My mum worked in education and my dad is a…. still unsure about what he does, its something to do with mediation. He has a law degree and used to be a Baptist minister. You know, the usual.

I don’t think life growing up was ever ‘average’ but it was pretty stock standard. This was until my mum got a job in New York and I moved there with her 3 weeks before my 15^th birthday.

We arrived on January 26, 2004. I remember my first stroll down the streets of New York City. We were staying with friends in 42^nd Street in Manhattan. We ventured to Macy’s to go and buy winter coats. In that very first moment, I was absolutely in love with New York. I was in awe of everything, the people, the buildings, and the sounds. I remember we walked past the New Yorker building and having that feeling like I had finally arrived.

Forward to eight years later and having spent a lot of time in New York. Lots of Thanksgivings and Christmases, a summer I spent completely alone in Brooklyn. All the work I’ve done: babysitting, working for literary agents and talent agents, working at a production company and working on a film shoot at Silver Cup Studios. All the freezing cold winters, all the crazy adventures I’ve had with friends in NY and friends from home. The ridiculous amount of movies I’ve seen there. And generally enjoying everything that is NYC.

I’ve spent all this time counting down the day when I can move to NY for good. The day I can live there in my own right and not have to go home because of school or uni. That day is probably closer than I realise.

In the mean time I have a lot of work to do. One is finishing my last semester at uni, so I better hop to it. I’ll be sure to post again soon!

A blog about the fear of blogging.

When I was a kid I wanted to sing, I wanted nothing more than to be a pop star. I remember putting on concerts for my family from a very young age. Mostly I remember performing for relatives more so than my immediate family, they were all smart, they knew better. My spectators were always told to sit down and be quiet until I said it was over. My five-year-old self would have given Naomi Campbell a run for her money.

When I was about nine I got into the Australia Youth Choir, that’s the choir that features on the Qantas ads, so of course it was appealing. I went there for a while and absolutely hated it. I did not have a choir voice at all and I didn’t really like any of the other people, I mean come on, choir singers to my knowledge are not the liveliest bunch, so I pulled out. There was no Qantas ad in my future, so what was the point?

When I got a little older I had singing lessons with a very talented person. I was forced to accept at the age of twelve that I had a pretty restricted range and would never really be able to sing pop. My dreams of being the next Ginger Spice were brutally crushed. Little did I know, this would be my musical salvation, at this moment I was introduced to Jazz. I was quickly acquainted with Ella Fitzgerald, Bobby Darrin, Billie Holiday, Diana Krall and Miles Davis, just to name a few; I honestly feel like I’m cheating on all the others I’ve left out.

So with the encouragement and my newfound love, I was all about being a jazz singer. Much to my dismay, it never went anywhere. I was super shy; I didn’t have the confidence and was never sure if I could actually sing. I was terrified that I was just one of those stupid people on Australian Idol who think they can sing but sound like a cat being skinned alive. I pretty much put it on the back burner and tried to forget about it.... sort of. I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do when I finished school because I wanted to sing so much.

That was the reason I turned to journalism BIG MISTAKE. As much as it pains me to admit it, I am simply a product of my environment. After seeing Almost Famous, I desperately wanted to be a music journalist; I had big dreams to write for Rollingstone. I pretty much just wanted to be Ben Fong-Torres; who, I have to mention I share a mutual friend with on Facebook. Yes, it really is him.

So I went and studied journalism and much like the Australian Youth Choir, I absolutely loathed it. I was not aware that everyone had to start his or her careers by writing for the news. Oh man was it bad! You have to go and find a story yourself, you had to pull something out of thin air, find an angle. This idea to some people is absolutely thrilling; this idea for me was horrific. I remember there were many tears and lots of panic attacks. Studying journalism lead to running away to live in New York.

The dreams of being a music journalist went down the drain. I realized it was actually a good thing. It hadn’t really occurred to me that I would most likely have to listen to a bunch of music I really didn’t like; I wasn’t so up for that. I also lost faith in Rollingstone the day I saw Ashley Simpson on the cover, really Jann, really?

So basically singing goes hand in hand with blogging. I feel like they are really close friends, maybe even relatives. They share all the same feelings; nerves, anxiety, lack of confidence. I am aware that I have had this blog for a while now and have only posted four times because I still find it really hard, it’s basically a blog about the fear of blogging.

I know I do this every time. It must get really old for thy reader. I Promise I will get over it… eventually. I will also try to consider the contemplation of singing in front of other human beings…

*Clause – I want to state that even though I adore Jazz, I also love lots of different types of music. I feel bad for the rest of my beloved artists that I hold dear and neglected to mention. I, in no way intend to sound defamatory towards the journalism industry, the Australian Youth Choir and Rollingstone.

I just read my last post. It wasn't written so well. I'll try and make my next one better. =)

Little Red Love Re-call

Something I have feared for quite sometime has just come along and hit me like a freight train.

I have been trying hard not to acknowledge the fact that facebook gives us a license to be narcissistic, egotistical and self absorbed; this is a license that I shamelessly abuse. Yet I don’t know how to stop and I don’t know if it’s wrong.

This topic was evoked this evening between myself, and someone who can remain nameless. We somehow got on the topic of people who update their statuses’ a lot. He said he had a very low opinion of these people as well as bloggers, who he believed to be 'contrived, narcissistic and delusional,' at this point I revealed to him that I in fact had a blog, at this, I do not think he was surprised.

Now, this is someone who’s opinion I respect greatly. I always try to consider their point of view because I truly trust their judgment and intelligence. Even so, I was prepared to fight, not in an aggressive way; I was just intrigued by their strong views on the subject.

So we talked it out. He said that people, who update their statuses’ several times a day aka me, are people who are shamelessly after attention and approval. Sure, the attention thing I can admit too. I’m not starved for attention or anything like that, but I admit that its nice to be reminded that you’re mildly entertaining to people. Also, its nice to share your thoughts, feelings and happenings with your friends, families and your 300 random adds. The approval thing I do not agree with, but hey, maybe I’m wrong.

Maybe I’m wrong about this whole thing, maybe I am just trying to come up with excuses to abuse facebook. I mean I did write a blog post about the Little Red Love, but at least I admitted to it. I don’t pretend that I’m not addicted to it, but maybe that’s just a cop out too…

It’s kind of like this thing my friend Shootingstar and I talk about. We talk about how when we’re with an ‘easy’ crowed we crack really lame, easy jokes that we know will get laughs just for a) the pure satisfaction and b) because like I said, its easy. We talk about how after you do it, you just feel dirty, like you’ve whored yourself out to a cheap crowed; it really is almost sickening. I have to say, even though I admittedly do this, I also use humor as a defense mechanism, it’s a great ice-breaker and works like a charm, which isn’t as disgraceful as the cheap jokes.

So maybe facebook is the same? I don’t really know where to go from here. I do update my status a lot, I do seem to be tagged in photos a lot, and I have no plans to send these things to the grave. Though by saying this I am not claiming to be a narcissist, sure I probably am a little bit, but no more than anyone else on facebook. I am open about the fact that I am pretty neurotic and worry that I’m a completely ridiculous human being, but there isn’t much I can do about that. I try not to take it all that seriously. I try to think that most of the things I say or do on facebook are totally in jest, something I sincerely hope my facebook friends know.

One thing I can say about being an active facebook user is that I love facebook! I spend a lot of time on facebook and its not purely for my own personal indulgence; I genuinely enjoy reading everyone else’s updates and looking at their photos and revelling in any other ode that may arise in the land of facebook.

P.S. I didn't really know how to process the notion that bloggers were dubbed as being 'contrived, narcissistic and delusional,' so naturally I put that under my 'about me' section on facebook.

Alexander Supertramp & Little Red Love

Did you know that there are people out there who abandon all their belongings to go live a simple existence on the land? I am quite sure none of these people know about the pure joys of little red love aka facebook notifications.

At the moment I am reading Into The Wild - The story of a young man from a well-to-do family who hitchhiked across America to Alaska. His name was Christoper McCandless aka Alexander Supertramp. He had given $25, 000 in savings to charity, abandoned his car and most of his possessions, burnt all the cash in his wallet and walked in the wild.

It was actually turned into a movie a few years ago. Directed by Sean Penn and starring Emile Hirsch. It really is an amazing movie. Each time I watch it, I sob for about an hour afterwards. However, the book really is something else. I definitely recommend it!

Anyway, I find the idea of running away from civilisation pretty fascinating. Making a decision to live such a drastic lifestyle like that seems like it would have been much easier back in 1991. Back when we weren't ruled by the constant need for entertainment and little red love.

Last night I discussed the concept of this little red love with a friend of mine. We talked about the excitement of it and the secret need for it. That feeling you get when you log on to facebook to find that you have not only one little red love, but two! Your heart immediately soars to heights unknown.

The reason why I call it little red love is because each notification is a little tangible moment of love. At that very instant one of your facebook 'friends' - real friends, relatives, acquaintances, friends of friends, childhood friends, someone you once met whilst drunk or all of the above, has thought of you and has decided to express it by acting accordingly.

It is also called little red love because it is something nice and positive. I'm pretty sure no one ever posts something mean on your wall or makes a bitchy comment on a photo telling you how bad you look in that outfit. This is because most of the people you are friends with on facebook actually like you, find you somewhat entertaining or at the least are happy to tolerate you. Hopefully the people who hate you and think you are a ridciulous human being have deleted you. So bring on the little red love!